Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
