Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
