i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
