Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
