My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
