Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
