I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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