My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
