They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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