Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
