So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You ate ashes out of my bong
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