Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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