we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
