I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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