I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's blow job season.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
