too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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