who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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