she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
