There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
