She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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