I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
