so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
