So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
