I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
