my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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