Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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