i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there is glitter all over my balls
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
