Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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