I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
