Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
