Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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