By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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