it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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