Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
zippers are such a cool invention
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize