I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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