We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
