I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
