So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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