"it" just moved
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
