from now on my penis is your penis
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
