so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
