My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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