You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
