I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
