this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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