I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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