We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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