nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
