hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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