Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
