who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize