who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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