The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
