I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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