i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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