Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
