My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
