I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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