We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
