'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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