Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
