oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
