Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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