I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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