hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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