You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
