We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
