I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
